Griefworks BC – Help a Grieving Friend

Parents may find this information useful to help a child grieving the loss of a friend.

The most important thing you can do for anyone who is grieving is LISTEN and not judge!

It's helpful to:

allow them their feelings rather than trying to talk them out of the feelings or tell them they shouldn't feel that way.
let them be how they are instead of trying to judge or fix them.
let them know that you can see and hear their pain, anger, frustration, guilt and that you think it's okay for them to have those feelings.
let them tell you how they feel rather than telling them that you know how they feel.
talk to them from your perspective rather than using cliches such as, "It was their time." You might say something like, "It's hard to understand why these things happen." or "I can see you are really hurting."
be honest. If your grieving friend asks you for information that you have, tell them the truth.
share stories about the person who died. Something funny or a wonderful memory can be a very positive experience.
be patient with them. Give them space and time to do their grieving. However, it is usually difficult for grievers to reach out because of low energy and difficulty concentrating. Calling them and initiating getting together for coffee and a chat is very helpful.
know that it may seem that they are being inconsiderate of your feelings for awhile. Don't be too offended. They may be feeling overwhelmed and not aware of what is going on for other people around them.
talk about the person who died in a natural way. Don't avoid the topic but don't go on and on about it either. It helps to share memories, even if your friend cries or is sad. They appreciate that someone will talk to them about the person who died.
provide food, run errands, mow the lawn, clean the house, take over a job they don't have the energy to do. Call and ask if you can do a specific job. Don't wait for them to call.
send a card with a personal message and memory about the person who died. Write a poem or find one that is meaningful for you.

remember throughout the year - Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, the anniversary of the death, family holidays - that it will be difficult for your friend. Send a card or tell them you are thinking about them.
accept that your friend's life will never be the same again. Your friend will be changed by this experience.
accept that your grieving friend will never get over it. There may always be a place of pain and sorrow in their hearts. They need you to help them find a way to live with the death of someone they love.

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