Griefworks BC – Children and Grief

Your family has experienced a death or one of your children's friends or someone they know has died. How in the world will you know how to do or say the right thing to help your child? It seems so complicated and strange. Someone has died and you want to make this time as painless and easy as possible for your child. Unfortunately, as parents or guardians who are used to making things right for your children, this time, you can't.

As adults or parents, there is a natural tendency to answer questions and find solutions for your children. As their teachers in life, that is what you are supposed to do. You teach them how to tie their shoelaces; how to cross the street; the difference between right and wrong. They learn from you and look to you for answers and relief of their problems.

When a death happens in the family you cannot fix it. So when a child asks questions or wants to talk about the death, you may naturally tend to begin talking and stop listening, trying to offer those solutions or quick fixes. However, the most important thing you can do to help your children in their grief is to listen to them and encourage them to talk about what has happened until they are finished talking. Your children will teach you about what they need. You must be prepared to listen to them.

There is nothing you can do to undo the death or to take away the pain. This is one of life's mysteries that you can have no answers to. What you can do, however, is let them know that you know they are grieving and honour their grief by allowing them to have it.

You can give them permission to be themselves and to feel the feelings that are as confusing and hard as your own feelings. You can be there to listen; encourage; understand and love them. You can let them know that their grief is as important as everyone else's grief.

To find out more about Parents Grief, Father's Grief or Children and Grief, please view these sections in our Book and Video Library.