Books & Videos You    Might Like Things You Can Do Read Some Articles   on This Site

Loss is: Any event that changes the way things have been. Endings mean: separation missing something that was there before going on without something/someone no longer having something you loved letting go the world you knew and were used to is suddenly & often dramatically different you and your life are changed in either small or large ways, sometimes forever Future Loss is: not getting something you expected. not getting a promised gift having a date cancel no longer feeling safe in your home, school, or neighbourhood not making the team becoming disabled not going on a trip you were looking forward to Thousands of little losses happen all the time: brothers & sisters getting something you don't losing a homework assignment finding favourite clothing damaged missing the bus being threatened or bullied in school adults lying to you friendships ending losing your house keys Understanding Loss - Kinds - What is being lost Intensity - Strength of the response related to impact on our lives everyone copes with loss differently The Big Losses - those that are huge for you Not So Big Losses - those that are difficult for you Small Losses - those that are frustrating, annoying for you It is important not to compare your responses to other people's. Loss is a very complicated, deeply personal experience. Your response is OK, fits for your unique personality. BASIC LESSONS FOR LEARNING TO COPE WITH LOSS Learning to UNDERSTAND THE COMPLICATED FEELINGS that accompany all losses. Learning how to GET THROUGH THE GRIEF & PAIN of our losses. Learning what to do to TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES while we are healing. LOSS: an event - something that HAPPENS GRIEF: an INNER, complicated emotional EXPERIENCE MOURNING: an OUTER process of dealing with FEELINGS OF GRIEF Grief happens; how we deal with it depends on: who we are what we learned about handling loss the number of losses age support available Mourning methods differ depending on: cultural differences different families have different skills # of losses age support How the world is crazy when it comes to losses: "I don't want to hear it" "Look good, no matter what" "Handle problems yourself" "Be tough, play hard" "Get over it quickly" "Leave grieving people alone" "It's no big thing" "Handle it like an adult" Skills for Healing Let more time pass Stay calm and rest Focus on the upside Be optimistic Be nice to yourself Take time for your memories Honour the endings Think about what's really important Create some structure Continue to express your grief Keep a journal Don't overdo grief Savour the beauty in grieving Continue to be patient RE-ENTRY Remembering You can do it your way Take stock Make plans Be forgiving THE GIFTS IN LOSS You get to be human Experiencing yourself to the fullest Emotional growth Considering what's really important A capacity for positive faith You learn to grow Compassion & forgiveness Stronger connection to others Making the world a better place Helping others in grief HOW TO SUPPORT A GRIEVING PERSON Stay connected Have patience Just be you and be there Expect anger Just ask Grow huge ears Remember anniversaries Help them see the upside Adapted from Help for the Hard Times, Earl Hipp (1995). Return to Top