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Cultural Expectations of Men in Grief
In our society we have different expectations for reactions to loss from men than from women. These expectations may not be realistic. Some men may act in ways that are on the list and some may not. Some women may act in these ways as well.
A man is expected to be:
- in control.
- confident.
- more concerned with thinking than feeling.
- rational and analytical.
- assertive.
- courageous.
- competitive.
- able to accomplish tasks and achieve goals.
- knowledgeable about how mechanical things work.
- able to endure stress without giving up or giving in.
- able to express anger.
- able to bear pain.
- sexually potent.
- able to hold his liquor.
- able to settle down at an appropriate age to be a devoted husband and father.
- a provider.
A man is not expected to:
- openly cry.
- be afraid.
- be dependent.
- be insecure or anxious.
- be passive.
- be playful.
- touch other men.
- be impotent (sexually or otherwise).
- lose control of self or situation.
- express loneliness, sadness, or depression.
- express the need for love or affection.
- exhibit typically feminine characteristics.
Men may grieve by:
- remaining silent.
- engaging in solitary mourning or secret grief.
- taking physical or legal action.
- becoming immersed in activity.
This information is meant to act as a starting point for talking about the way people respond to loss. Individuals, couples or groups may find it useful for that purpose.
Staudacher, C.Men and Grief. Oakland, Ca: New Harbinger Publications Co. Adapted by permission.
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