Grief and Loss Reactions – Griefworks BC

These are ways that people react to death, grief and loss. You may or may not have the natural reactions listed here. If the grief and loss you are having is frightening or doesn't slowly go away, you probably should talk to someone about it.

When there is a loss, you can have a physical, emotional, psychological, social and/or spiritual reaction to the loss.

Physical Grief and Loss Reactions

Pain in the neck, head, jaw, back, chest around the heart.
Pounding or racing heartbeat.
Muscle stiffness, soreness, weakness.
Feeling dizzy or fainting.
Feeling like you are choking or having difficulty breathing.
Changes in appetite.
Changes in sleep patterns - can't get to sleep, waking up in the middle of the night, sleeping all the time.
Feeling jumpy and sensitive to sudden, loud noises, crowds, or other people.
Being absent-minded or accident prone.
Feeling restless, unable to sit still.
Low energy, exhaustion.
Hair loss or change of hair colour

If any of these physical conditions are worrisome, please contact your physician and have them checked.

Emotional Grief and Loss Reactions

Disbelief and shock that the death occurred.
Crying - sobbing or unexpected, sudden outbursts of crying
Frequent sighing
Relief that the person's suffering is over or that a bad relationship is over
Anger at the medical system, higher power, the person who died, yourself, or whoever/whatever was responsible for the death
Irritability
Nightmares or dreams about the death or person who died
Withdrawal, being uncommunicative
Talking a lot, rambling, confused, repeating conversations or stories
Anxiety, panic
Fear
Sadness or despair
Envy of other families or of the one who died
Shame - in suicide, death from AIDS or anorexia or as a result of a criminal activity

Psychological Grief and Loss Reactions

Guilt for not preventing the death, even if this was not possible; for things said or done in the past you wish you could take back; for things you promised to do or wish you had said and never did; for surviving
Irrational thoughts about joining the dead person or about the death
Bargaining - "I'll never do ______ again if they can just come back."
Visual images or thoughts that are experienced repeatedly
Think you are losing your mind
Can't concentrate
Memory and time are distorted
Self-absorbed - no energy or interest in others
Loss of confidence and security
Increased sensitivity to appreciation or criticism from others
Unable to cope with people's jokes, laughter, complaints
Problems making decisions
Depression
Desire to die - to join loved one or escape from the pain (different from suicidal thoughts)
Afraid you have a serious illness
Not permitting yourself to experience the emotions - "I'm okay."

Social Grief and Loss Reactions

Loneliness
Isolation - "I'm the only one who has ever felt like this." "Nobody understands."
Changes in relationships

Spiritual Grief and Loss Reactions

Loss of faith, questioning previous beliefs
Openness to the spiritual world
Interest in other faith traditions
Feelings of connection or communication with the person who died
Asking, "Why?" "Why them?" "Why me?"
Asking, "What is the meaning of life?" "What is the meaning of my life without them?"
Asking, "Where are they now?" "Is there a Heaven?"
Discovery of faith or a spiritual understanding

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