COMPLICATED GRIEF Complicated Death Survivors of a Murder When Someone Dies by    Suicide Trauma and Grief

When someone close to you dies by suicide, you may experience the following reactions. You may have a strong and perpetual need to know what happened. The frustrating aspect of this need is that the facts have died with the person. You may never know what truly happened. There is a legacy of guilt left by the suicide event. The if onlys and I wishes can lead to extreme stress and anxiety. Coming to the conclusion that you could not have done anything to prevent the suicide may take time but can happen as you share your guilt with someone you trust. Our society still assigns stigma to suicide. It is hard to tell other family members and friends that someone died by suicide. Other people still may wonder what really happened or add judgement to their perceptions of what happened. A support group or organization that helps survivors of suicide can offer a place of acceptance of your loss.  There are also many teenage suicide survivor organizations around. Because there will never be the complete answer to what happened, you can help yourself by trying to make some sense of it in your own mind. You can write a letter to the person, for example. Or you may want to write a letter to yourself from the person who died. You may find yourself not able to trust in relationships. You may find it difficult to love again because loving means risking being hurt again. Again, talking with someone and working out these feelings is a very helpful way to heal the pain of loss. It may be difficult to stop thinking about the suicide and to be preoccupied with the whole series of events. It is important to try to make life as normal as possible. Getting back into a routine and accepting what happened as over and in the past may help. Learning that sometimes other survivors think about suicide (including teenage suicide) may help too. It's not that they have a plan to do it; just that they think about it. It is very important to understand that if these thoughts get to a point where you are feeling like you might act on them, please contact your family doctor, hospital emergency room or click here. With the kind assistance of Peter Durand of SAFER Counselling 604-879-9251. Return to Top