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Your other children need your open, truthful attitude about their brother's or sister's death and simple but clear explanations of what happened. If they do not have accurate facts, their imaginations will create the facts for them. Sharing your feelings and encouraging them to share their feelings will help them feel safe with you. They will come to know that they are not alone in their grief but that you are grieving together as a family. Sometimes children find it easier to talk with other trusted adults in their lives than with their parents. Somehow, they believe that talking with you about the death will hurt you. If you can give them permission and/or help them find another adult (teacher, family member, friend) to talk with, you will be helping them on their grief journey. If you allow them to protect your feelings they may not get their own needs met. If possible, allow them to help plan the funeral or memorial. It is important that they understand, in advance, what will happen there. They may want to put a keepsake in the casket or suggest a piece of music or a poem. Allowing them to be part of the planning helps to educate them about what will happen at the funeral or memorial and therefore takes away some of the fear that may occur for them. Return to Top